Uncertainty... this will be an interesting day.
NOTE: this is mostly a whine. Sorry. Feel free to skip it.
I have no idea how today is going to go.
I need to get to Moffitt for an appointment with Dr. Chon. I still can't drive. I posted a request for help on Facebook, an acquaintance responded. I think she'll be driving me there, I'll have the appointment, and my roommate will pick me up after work. The last message was she was looking at where I live to see if it is hard to find.
OR she won't be able to do it. I've got a neighbor who can drive me, he'll stay with me for the appointment, then drive back.
Although, I'm seeing the oncologist/surgeon because I've popped some stitches. That shouldn't happened 4 weeks after surgery. I think there is infection behind the intact stitches. So they'll be looking at it, cleaning it out, resuturing it, and.... maybe keeping me-- depending on --- well, that's my fear.
I need to admit that I've still been using the pain meds. -- and have actually gone through more than she thinks I have. I had 40 left over from the hysterectomy last year. When I was discharged after this surgery, I got a bottle of 30. I have one left. Now that's not abuse (the instructions say to take 1 every 6 hours as needed for pain). And if this has been festering, that would explain why I'm still in pain. And why I haven't been able to walk/exercise.
Maybe I'll get the drain taken out. I definitely need to have the port flushed.
So I don't know how to get this all done. I need to touch base with the Cancer Society here where I live, so I can use them if I need a ride again. And there are others in the complex who will drive me. I need to get out and meet more people, so I've got a bigger base of folks in case I need help.
Lately, I've been crying. Still dealing with depression. I feel very limited and frustrated. Friday night, roommate and I went out for dinner. He's always late, and thinks he's on time. It's fascinating to watch. So we went to Taco Bell, I paid (we were celebrating his completion of another semester of college). Then he wanted to go to Lowe's to look at solutions for the leaking faucet. (long story--- the kitchen faucet leaks. He's turned off the hot water, so now it doesn't leak, BUT we'll need to tear out the bottom of the cabinet, see what damage has been done in the flooring/subflooring, and ... well, these repairs are never easy. Who knows what we'll find.
I don't get out much, I'm tired easy when I do go out. So my focus is just getting through today. I need to roll with the punches. It's all going to work out... somehow. I need to enjoy the ride. Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?
Sorry for the long (and unedited) post. It's been rough. I don't like myself right now. I will be okay, but right now... it just sucks. My body has betrayed me... with the initial cancer, with the poor healing... with the weakness, fatigue and depression. I'm kinda pissed at it. What were my original plans? Christmas Tea with the Ladies' Auxiliary.
Well, I just got messaged by my ride. This is going to work out. Plan A is back into play. Let's see what happens next.
UPDATE: I got picked up,
dropped off,
doctor was 2 hours late to appointment (good thing I grabbed biscuit and gravy in the hospital cafeteria).
She removed the drain, and taught me to care for the current wound. (where the suture opened.) It heals naturally from the inside to the outside.
Hung out in infusion waiting room (comfortable chairs, ran into a volunteer who knew me, and I let her know how well I'm doing... spread the word, you can beat this!)
Got a lot of knitting done,
Picked up by roommate,
ran up to post office,
came home,
leftovers for dinner,
called mom and opened her holiday package while she was on the phone.
The uncertain day turned out to be very good.
I have no idea how today is going to go.
I need to get to Moffitt for an appointment with Dr. Chon. I still can't drive. I posted a request for help on Facebook, an acquaintance responded. I think she'll be driving me there, I'll have the appointment, and my roommate will pick me up after work. The last message was she was looking at where I live to see if it is hard to find.
OR she won't be able to do it. I've got a neighbor who can drive me, he'll stay with me for the appointment, then drive back.
Although, I'm seeing the oncologist/surgeon because I've popped some stitches. That shouldn't happened 4 weeks after surgery. I think there is infection behind the intact stitches. So they'll be looking at it, cleaning it out, resuturing it, and.... maybe keeping me-- depending on --- well, that's my fear.
I need to admit that I've still been using the pain meds. -- and have actually gone through more than she thinks I have. I had 40 left over from the hysterectomy last year. When I was discharged after this surgery, I got a bottle of 30. I have one left. Now that's not abuse (the instructions say to take 1 every 6 hours as needed for pain). And if this has been festering, that would explain why I'm still in pain. And why I haven't been able to walk/exercise.
Maybe I'll get the drain taken out. I definitely need to have the port flushed.
So I don't know how to get this all done. I need to touch base with the Cancer Society here where I live, so I can use them if I need a ride again. And there are others in the complex who will drive me. I need to get out and meet more people, so I've got a bigger base of folks in case I need help.
Lately, I've been crying. Still dealing with depression. I feel very limited and frustrated. Friday night, roommate and I went out for dinner. He's always late, and thinks he's on time. It's fascinating to watch. So we went to Taco Bell, I paid (we were celebrating his completion of another semester of college). Then he wanted to go to Lowe's to look at solutions for the leaking faucet. (long story--- the kitchen faucet leaks. He's turned off the hot water, so now it doesn't leak, BUT we'll need to tear out the bottom of the cabinet, see what damage has been done in the flooring/subflooring, and ... well, these repairs are never easy. Who knows what we'll find.
I don't get out much, I'm tired easy when I do go out. So my focus is just getting through today. I need to roll with the punches. It's all going to work out... somehow. I need to enjoy the ride. Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself?
Sorry for the long (and unedited) post. It's been rough. I don't like myself right now. I will be okay, but right now... it just sucks. My body has betrayed me... with the initial cancer, with the poor healing... with the weakness, fatigue and depression. I'm kinda pissed at it. What were my original plans? Christmas Tea with the Ladies' Auxiliary.
Well, I just got messaged by my ride. This is going to work out. Plan A is back into play. Let's see what happens next.
UPDATE: I got picked up,
dropped off,
doctor was 2 hours late to appointment (good thing I grabbed biscuit and gravy in the hospital cafeteria).
She removed the drain, and taught me to care for the current wound. (where the suture opened.) It heals naturally from the inside to the outside.
Hung out in infusion waiting room (comfortable chairs, ran into a volunteer who knew me, and I let her know how well I'm doing... spread the word, you can beat this!)
Got a lot of knitting done,
Picked up by roommate,
ran up to post office,
came home,
leftovers for dinner,
called mom and opened her holiday package while she was on the phone.
The uncertain day turned out to be very good.
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