Not dead yet...

Yes, that was bad news. But the medication change gives me hope. The bad news on that (it seems there's always a balance of bad/good news errr... positive/negative news) is that I'm eating constantly. Today I'm hoping to get a grip on that.. Drinking more water, walking, and timing my meals (that is, only eating three meals and two snacks at 6, noon, and 6 with snacks written down.

Otherwise, there could be a repeat of yesterday where I ate through an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers (with bits of cheese on top).

Currently, my left arm is painful. I've knitted too much (didn't know it was possible) and the triceps for fine motor skills is painful when I try to lift the arm. I'm using my right arm to lift my left arm... feeling quite disabled with this movement. I'm icing and heating it, and have taken some Advil for the pain.

I haven't told my daughter that the cancer is back. I don't want to be that crisis mamma. From her distance, there's little she can do.

The house. I was making progress, then slacked last week. When I found out that the sofa is a sleeper sofa, I want to keep it, but need to talk to the roommate. Previously we had discussed giving it to a co-worker of his. Is she expecting it? or was it a "gee, I've got a sofa, would you like it?" Unfortunately, that means we've still got no place for the two leather chairs. They are huge. We don't live in a huge place.

I'm reopening my Bonanza store, to see if I can sell some stuff and make a little extra money. This has been super tight. There are other resources I need to use. Apparently I'm still too much of a Republican... feeling more than a bit shamed about using food assistance. But I don't see how I'll survive otherwise. And I am surviving.. one day at a time. One month at a time.

Timeline. The studies show that this AI (hormone inhibiting) therapy adds approx. 20 months to life. I'm hoping I can do better. But realistically, I've got a lot of locations that are lighting up with Cancer. My goal is to stay active, and be happy, discard/sell what is not important, and find a quiet place to rest when the time comes.

My goal for today is organizing and making this house feel more home like. There's a large box to fill with donations for the park rummage sale. (okay, maybe I'll list them on Bonanza.com... that would be far more practical.)

Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a rough week. Normally knitting keeps me sane, but this week, for some reason, it just isn't working. Take care of yourself... whoever you are. I love you.