Research...



http://www.healio.com/hematology-oncology/sarcoma/news/online/%7B16911454-da9f-469b-9753-c764ac31ded4%7D/letrozole-shows-promise-in-advanced-uterine-leiomyosarcoma

Well, letrozole is the medication I'm currently on. Today is Friday. Monday I go for my next CT scan. PFS= Progression Free Survival. Definition (Because I had to look it up..)


From Cancer.gov PFS definition linkThe length of time during and after the treatment of a disease, such as cancer, that a patient lives with the disease but it does not get worse. In a clinical trial, measuring the progression-free survival is one way to see how well a new treatment works.

That's the good definition. Here's the one that stopped me in my Internet tracks. From Wikipedia (which of course I will make fun of right now because I emotionally do not like this definition--- despite the tough love reality of it. )

Progression-free survival (PFS) is a measure of the activity of a treatment on a disease. It is the time that passes from a certain date (generally the first day of treatment, or the day in which a patient is enrolled in a clinical trial) and the date on which disease "progresses" or the date on which the patient dies, from any cause.


My surgical wound is still healing. I'm not motivated to walk, so I'm feeling rather.... blah. In some ways, I feel like I am crashing in slow motion. You know how you feel after the flu? Kinda run down? I've been that way for several months. I convince myself this is just a phase and I will get better. But I don't believe myself right now. I've skipped the walking exercise group for a week... I haven't even walked down to get mail.

My neighbor, a wonderfully pushy woman, convinced me to let her come over with a friend and clean/organize my home. They finished with my bedroom and closet... which look amazing now. I can find things. I have too much.. so I'm going to box up/bag up some excess and hold onto it for later. Why? well, I own too many panties and socks. BUT I don't know how my finances will be in the future. So, if I bag them up and donate them, I'll have them when my current set is worn out.

Sorry I'm jumping around. I'm avoiding the obvious. I'm scared. I keep losing things (like my phone) and forgetting things (if you don't add the egg to cornbread,, it is just crumbly.) I'm finding it hard to focus. I'm tired of being sick. I think I'm on the verge of just giving up, not the BIG giving up, but just going for the more comfortable, lazy way of doing things. Once the house is straight, just coasting.

My oncologist says to not read the Internet about this disease. I ignored that advice. This medication will buy me about 20 months... but many can't take it that long. And it doesn't work well for some. I'll find out in two weeks if it is working for me. (Next Monday is the scan, then I get the results from the doctor on the following Monday.)

So I play games online, and it feels like I am doing something. But I'm not. I think about making jewelry, but I don't. I'm in limbo... just sitting here. Knitting to pass the time.

I need to kick start my motivation... Find something to make life exciting. Any suggestions?

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