Being Sick, Weak, Gauging energy levels
I feel like I have always been healthy. Okay, 50 extra pounds, and lack of grace getting up from the floor... BUT I can get up from the floor. I could sprint to catch a door, and rationalize that this sedentary lifestyle was good enough.
Second cycle of chemo is finished. Four left, if all goes well. I'm wiped. Yesterday I spent 20 minutes walking in Target, and had to find a chair. I find my energy far less than needed, finally I'm learning to gauge my energy... so I've got enough strength and focus to get back to the car AND drive home.
This has been quite the challenge. I lost strength quickly. Less than a month ago I was on a treadmill for 1'13" -- warmed up and then an hour show (BONES, an episode I hadn't seen) came on. So I just kept walking 2.2 miles/hour. Now I'm reminding roommate that we've got 30 minutes before I crash. One time when I was alone I pushed too hard. Felt dizzy. Found a chair.
My worry is that I'll ignore the signs of exhaustion and hit the floor. My worry is embarrassment. I need to just get over the embarrassment (see previous post...) I need to focus on being very effective (hence the long grocery list at BJ's) Still I focus on going longer and stronger, so that I keep the strength I have. At home I'm working with a four pound weighted ball.... doing stepping in place. It seems like little, but it feels like I'm retaining a bit of strength. Now I need to schedule with my trainer, to assess and keep moving.
Some friends in the past five years have given me insight into what life is like with chronic illness.
I'm learning. Learning to ask for help. Learning to keep going. Learning when to stop.
Second cycle of chemo is finished. Four left, if all goes well. I'm wiped. Yesterday I spent 20 minutes walking in Target, and had to find a chair. I find my energy far less than needed, finally I'm learning to gauge my energy... so I've got enough strength and focus to get back to the car AND drive home.
This has been quite the challenge. I lost strength quickly. Less than a month ago I was on a treadmill for 1'13" -- warmed up and then an hour show (BONES, an episode I hadn't seen) came on. So I just kept walking 2.2 miles/hour. Now I'm reminding roommate that we've got 30 minutes before I crash. One time when I was alone I pushed too hard. Felt dizzy. Found a chair.
My worry is that I'll ignore the signs of exhaustion and hit the floor. My worry is embarrassment. I need to just get over the embarrassment (see previous post...) I need to focus on being very effective (hence the long grocery list at BJ's) Still I focus on going longer and stronger, so that I keep the strength I have. At home I'm working with a four pound weighted ball.... doing stepping in place. It seems like little, but it feels like I'm retaining a bit of strength. Now I need to schedule with my trainer, to assess and keep moving.
Some friends in the past five years have given me insight into what life is like with chronic illness.
I'm learning. Learning to ask for help. Learning to keep going. Learning when to stop.
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