My LMS adventure

I hate being late. My ancestors were German, and I believe the punctuality gene was carefully handed down. An appointment is complete when I've got a time, date and place. Without that, we don't have a coffee date, just a coffee maybe. With the chemo I don't make plans. Each morning I wake up and figure out what I'm going to do. Today is an exception, I've got a lab appointment, oncologist appointment and an infusion scheduled. Lots of knitting will get done. But most days, with friends, I don't know if I'll be able to make it. This is annoying.

My three good things: Packing dishes to give to a friend. I know they'll have a good home. Finished a scarf and blocked it (knitting for making the scarf just right). Found a new author /series of cozy murders that I like. (Dead Guys Stuff, a Jane Wheel mystery by Sharon Fiffer.) Quiet day yesterday. When my roommate got home I apologized for the day before. (I was not feeling good, and he was waffling about visiting friends vs. staying at home. I had been hiding that I was very emotional (hormones?? why am I crying?) and basically told him to come home the next day. Emotions. I don't deal well with emotions... I grew up admiring Spock on Star Trek. I've stuffed my emotions about this cancer for long enough... they are bubbling out as I watch cat videos...Did a tiny bit of walking yesterday. Will try to do more today. Sitting around the house all the time is bad for me. Other side effects include a urinary tract infection, and mouth sores. So I've be...

Some background about me. In January, 2006 my sister died, and I was helping my father discard/donate/sort her belongings when he died in May, 2006. Both were packrats. I proceeded to give away to basically anyone who would take, their belongings. Dad was a generous man.... he would have enjoyed the (uninstalled) dishwasher going to his neighbor with 5 kids. Or the Tonka toys being given to each of the kids that helped. At one point I had a list: tools, toolboxes, cars, etc. My father's two bedroom/ one bath house packed to the brim, and my sister's one bed/one bath --with full basement house packed with romance novels and scrapbooking supplies. At my father's the upstairs was a pleasant surprise, a neighbor needed some spare cash, and Dad hired her to organize/ cleanout the second bedroom. Another shock was the freezer in the basement. He had bought it less than two months before, and it was filled with seafood. Myra, a friend since college, was around when I...

Food tastes like sand, I'm not hungry, I'm sleeping a lot. Okay, start the input diary. How many ounces of water? Should I convert to metric for this? I'll pick up another case of Boost. The formula is 5 boxes of Boost, and 200 oz. liquids. The good news... Friday night I was able to go to Red Lobster with friends. The food was okay (I could tell my taste buds were faltering...) So there's no reason to order an expensive meal... it's going to taste like a convenience store burrito. Meanwhile on FB, I joined a group called 3 good things.... posting 3 positives each day. I'll drag that over here. Sunday, June 21, 2015. #1 I moved to Florida 7 years ago this week. Happy anniversary to my adopted state. #2 I found my flamethrower (candle lighter), so now I've got candles burning, in the air conditioned condo. No, it doesn't make sense. But it makes me happy. #3 I ordered a bunch of beads to make jewelry and knit with beads. Lookin...

. ...In fact, many people don’t realize that not all cancer can be cured. When I explain, people often try to cut me off, telling me not to be negative, as if denying the reality of my disease could somehow protect me. I am an incredibly positive, optimistic person, but wishing won’t make my cancer go away any more than it will make everybody understand what it means to be incurable. So much explaining is exhausting.” — Teva Harrison. Follow her on Twitter and visit Drawing Forward You know what you know. More importantly, you DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW. I run into this a lot. The media covers the advances... and I love hearing that there's a pill called Glevix that knocksout GIST. We're making progress.. but there are over 100 types of cancer...I have to be an expert on my type of cancer. Here's what the average person needs to know: * How you can reduce your cancer risk. * Cancer is a simple word covering a lot of conditions. * "Be...

It's like a high school Logic problem. All sarcomas are cancers but not all Cancers are sarcomas. I found a lovely explanation: A sarcoma is a rare kind of cancer. Sarcomas are different from the much more common carcinomas because they happen in a different kind of tissue. Sarcomas grow in connective tissue -- cells that connect or support other kinds of tissue in your body. These tumors are most common in the bones, muscles, tendons, cartilage, nerves, fat, and blood vessels of your arms and legs, but they can happen anywhere. Although there are more than 50 types of sarcoma, they can be grouped into two main kinds: soft tissue sarcoma and bone sarcoma, or osteosarcoma. About 1 out of 100 cases of adult cancers is soft tissue sarcoma. Osteosarcomas are even rarer. Sarcomas can be treated, often by having surgery to remove the tumor. Because sarcomas (like my Leiomyosarcoma)are rare, it's harder to be diagnosed. Generally, a patient has surgery, the tumor is sent t...

When I was in the hospital, I had a bad reaction to a medication. I was labelled a "fall risk." In nursing terms that means the medication, the balance, the age, the... whatever other factors... mean that I'm likely to stumble, trip or just randomly end up on my face or behind. This has happened twice... The cat tripped me at home... but now I'm careful. I keep the walkways clearer at home. I put socks/ shoes, underwear on when I am sitting on the side of the bed. When I get up in the middle of the night (all of you post-pregnancy women know what I mean) I sit up carefully, look around, carefully feel with my feet, before putting them down. I don't want to end up on the floor. I especially don't want to end up on the floor when someone is around. (I'd never hear the end of it...) or when no one is around (who is going to help me up?) So I'm careful. I used to bounce out of bed. I'm one of those annoying morning people. Now I lay, thi...

In case you want to know how to tell if you have a fever... I start by trying to find a human to touch... if they feel cold... I'm probably hot. Just now, I started shivering... It's June, in Florida, at 5:30 p.m. So I check the outside temp on my phone, because I don't have the Air conditioning on. My thermometer (where I should have started... is... well, high. I'm going to throw a blanket over me, and take a nap. Apparently the Advil I took this morning... just gave up. Time for another dose. Those mostly aren't official ways, but they work. Throughout my childhood, my family had dachshunds. They would snuggle with myself and my sisters when we were sick... That was the only time we were warmer than them.

Running a slight fever. Sleeping a lot. Staying hydrated and fed. Chemo started over on Monday, I lost my sense of taste on Tuesday. Back to Boost and Gatorade. At the meeting with the doctor on Monday (she wanted to see me in person before signing the chemotherapy orders ---) we're looking at a possible time line of 2 more (3 week cycles )of chemo before the MRI. Then we'll know if it is working. She's expecting at least 2 additional cycles after that... So I've got approx. the next 3 months on chemo...(or 6 weeks if the MRI shows I'm magically cured of the Liver mets.) — feeling grateful.

The short version of Schroedinger's cat experiment (note: only hypothetical cats were theoretically harmed with this experiment) Schrödinger's cat: a cat, a flask of poison, and a radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when one looks in the box, one sees the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. This poses the question of when exactly quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other. (from Wikipedia.) This is what I'm NOT thinking about while I was on chemo. I don't know if the tumor is alive and growing or dying and decaying. I don't want to second guess... I tried it for a while.. it was torture. If I feel bad does that mean the tumor ...

In many 12 Step Programs (and in life in general) The Serenity Prayer is used. Many times I've heard the interpretation that what "I cannot change" is other people, places and things. "What I can change" is my attitude, my life, my insides. At one point I decided that my skin was a boundary between what I can change and what I cannot change. The cancer has changed that. I can't change what is going on inside my body. Now I meditate, focus on light destroying darkness. (or poisoning cats--- see the Schroedinger's Cat post..) I stay calm, focus on friends, happiness, reconnecting. But I need to change my thoughts about the Serenity Prayer... because I've got new information. My old interpretation doesn't work.

I visited the oncologist on June 1. --Actually, I saw an ARNP (advanced practice nurse).... I'll be starting chemo again Monday, the 8th. So until then, I've got another week to feel good. I know, there's a downside. IF the chemo has been winning the war against the LMS (leiomyosarcoma), then this has been a time for the cancer to grow. On the other hand, since we won't know until the MRI, ... which, at earliest, will be late July. I'm assuming the chemo is doing well. That the cancer is reeling from the chemical warfare. Meanwhile, I'm knitting a lot. Finished a pink lace scarf, am still working on a cream colored scarf, a chocolate brown shawl and a brightly colored knit-a-long (KAL) Most of these will be holiday gifts for my friends/family in Indiana. This is the chocolate shawl. The cream scarf (old shale stitch) x This is the knit-a-long scarf.... Pretty colors, yes? This is my furry roommate. He's been quite happy I've been...